


Discovered

by Ellstra



Series: Until the end of the line [10]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, M/M, WWII, indecisivness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-11
Updated: 2015-04-11
Packaged: 2018-03-22 09:23:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,382
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3723637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellstra/pseuds/Ellstra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve is troubled by something. Bucky doesn't know what it is. Peggy is brave enough to ask.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Discovered

**Author's Note:**

> 'Until the end of the line' is a series of works dedicated to Steve/Bucky relationship. Each of the stories is named after one chapter of the novel 'Host'.

_"Steve- Steve!"_  

Steve remembered Bucky's surprised face once again. They'd been relatively safe for a few days now and it made Steve feel restless. He needed to do something or he'd go crazy, he has replayed the moment when he saved Bucky in that base of HYDRA at least a thousand times in his mind. Every word Red Skull had said was irreparably burnt into his memory as if his life depended on them. The sight of Bucky lying on the cot, dirty, bloody and almost out of his mind replaced almost all memories Steve had of Bucky from before the war. It was as if Steve's mind was somehow affected by the serum as well as his body. Or maybe it was just the feeling of finally doing something important that made the moment exhilarating and engraved in Steve’s memory. 

However the thing that didn't let Steve sleep wasn't the awful unnatural redness of Schmidt's skin or the hollow look in Bucky's eyes. He couldn't figure out whether he would go on the mission to save the remnants of the 107th infantry if Bucky wasn't taken captive or not. If he were to meet Bucky right upon his arrival at the front, would he sacrifice these precious moments of unexpected joy? 

Steve tormented himself with this issue all days and nights. Of course he was glad he could save those men, but would he do it if Bucky's life wasn't at stake? Would he defy his orders and risk getting caught and sent back to America? Steve had wanted to help in war ever since the USA joined it and now he finally had the chance, as limited as it was, and he didn’t wish to lose it. 

Bucky knew something was troubling his friend. Apart from the physical change which was itself quite obvious, there was a certain trace of worry in his face. Steve would not speak about it himself and Bucky knew him better than to ask. He wouldn't get an answer anyway. He tried to be there for Steve, to show him he could rely on him. However Bucky wasn't sure if Steve needed him anymore. 

Bucky felt bad because it seemed he was the only one unhappy about Steve's miraculous strengthening. He was broken enough by HYDRA's torture and now he had a living proof of his uselessness in front of his eyes. He would not speak of the time in the lab when he'd already given up hope he'd get out himself. His worst fear back there had been getting out alive without his personality. And here he was - unchanged, or at least not radically - and yet, what was it good for? Was being Bucky good for anything now when Steve didn't need to be held close in an asthmatic seizure? Was he worth saving, now when they broke him and he couldn't look at anything without recalling his time with HYDRA?

Peggy was determined to find out what worried Steve because unlike Bucky she wasn't afraid to ask. She also knew when exactly Steve's troubles began but it didn't make her any wiser. Why would he be upset after proving everyone he wasn't just a pretty face, saving tens of men and his best friend in the process? Peggy realised it was probably some very noble deed because what else could be wrong?

It went on for a few days until she couldn't take it. Bursting with curiosity, Peggy gathered all her persuasive abilities and made her way for Steve's place. 

"Hi, can I talk to you for a moment?" She came in without giving him a chance to send her away.

"Yes, of course," Steve nodded a little surprisedly, "take a seat."

Peggy accepted his offer and looked intently at him for a while. He returned her gaze, his eyes sent her a silent question.

"What's wrong with you?" She was never the kind for unnecessary pleasantries. She dared him to look away and give her the chance for attack. 

"You noticed, huh?" Steve didn't try to play dumb, well aware that Peggy wouldn't buy it and it would make her angry anyway. 

"Everyone noticed, they're just too frightened to talk about it," Peggy snapped, "people are keeping a close eye on you. Everyone is watching you, looking for a chance of hesitation. You can't waver or fail. And you can't give anyone an opportunity to shoot you down."

"I'm sure you're exaggerating," Steve protested. "Why would they want to get rid of me?"

"Power, fear, jealousy?" Peggy almost laughed at him, "Are you really that naive, that innocent? You genuinely believe in this war, you believe everyone wants it to stop and to defeat the Nazis. That's your greatest weapon and your greatest weakness at the same time."

"Why did you come, Agent?" He asked her harshly, "If you want to give me a lecture you can go."

"Steve," she sighed, "why are you pushing people away?"

"I'm not-"

"You are. Me, Howard. Your friend. The one you broke all rules for?" 

Steve flinched and finally lost the courage to look at Peggy. She smirked a little. Here it was; the issue weighing Steve down.

"Steve, it was the right thing to do. I told you to do it. I found you a plane and someone to fly it." She leaned closer to him. "I believed in you and you didn't disappoint me. Those men out there, you're a hero for them."

"I thought they wanted to send me home to a lab." Steve smirked.

"The officers, people in charge. Ordinary people love you. Don't let them down." 

"I didn't go there for them. I went for Bucky, I don't know if I'd go if I didn't know he was there. I would still be reading empty lines written by someone who hasn't seen the front from a plane." Steve clutched his fists. "I only went there because I couldn't lose him. For a long time he was the only thing I had, the only thing that kept me going."

"Being loyal to a friend is not something to be ashamed of." Peggy reached her hand towards Steve. "Not everyone would go on one man mission against a whole HYDRA unit." 

"What I feel for Bucky... It's not right. It's not what you should feel towards your friend." Steve's voice faded away. "When I'm with him, I can't think straight. It's dangerous. How many men would I sacrifice to keep him alive?"

"You said yourself he keeps you going. If he gives you the strength to go on, you should keep him close." Peggy said resolutely. "Look at me."

Steve obeyed which surprised her.

"Some people are always more important than others. Generals, kings, lovers... There's no need for you to be different. You are the special case yourself. Let him be your plus one in the ride." 

"But I need plus two," Steve objected "how could I keep him safe knowing you're not?"

"You can have as many plus ones as you need, Steve. After all, you’re Captain America. You’re irreplaceable, don't forget that." Peggy stood up and turned around to hide a wide grin and a blush covering her cheeks. She might not be the only one in Steve's heart, but if her only competition is Steve's childhood friend, she could live with it. 

"And Steve," she looked at him before she left, "thank you for being honest with me. I'm sure he'd like to know too."

Steve sat there for a long time and thought about Peggy's words. It did feel great; speaking about his feelings for Bucky lifted a great deal of weight off his shoulders. Maybe it _was_ time for Bucky to know. 

Steve stood up and went to find Bucky. It was harder than he thought and it irritated him. Now, when he decided to tell Bucky - after all the years - he needed to say it as soon as possible.

Bucky felt a wave of hope when he heard Steve was looking for him. He hadn't tried to contact Bucky since the rescue mission. Finally a familiar voice called his name. He turned around and tried not to look too happy. 

"Bucky, there's something I need to tell you. I should have told you years ago."


End file.
